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The first secret to success is to be proactive. In order to do this, you need
to learn how to empower yourself
When career experts speak about empowerment, they're not talking
about having
power and influence over other people. They're
describing
the influence you can have over your own destiny. True
strength and proactivity is found within. No
matter what your station is in life, you can be empowered. It comes from knowing your values and allowing those ideals to
guide your behaviors daily. Being empowered keeps you from shifting at the whims of others or being reactionary. Just because
a situation changes, you don't have to change with it unless it makes sense to do so. This doesn't mean you should become
rigid or inflexible in your thinking. Rather, it means that because of your principles, your behavior can be deliberate and
according to your own will, no matter the consequences.
Truly empowered people don't look for ways to blame others for their shortcomings
or unhappiness. Nor do they spend much time fretting over what they can't control. Instead, they choose to focus on the
aspects of their lives that they can influence and make the most of each opportunity. Below are two ways to practice empowering
yourself.
Avoid self-defeating language
One of the most common ways people deplete
their power is through the use of self-defeating or self-deprecating language. When most of us were young, one of the
ways we were taught how to behave correctly
was to be told that we "cannot" do certain things. Unfortunately,
many
people misuse the word cannot in their adult lives.
Individuals often expand the use of "cannot" to describe things
they have difficulty with. "I cannot get the sales report to you next Tuesday" is something someone might say when really
what they mean is, "It will be really difficult for me to get it done by then, for whatever reason." When you
use the words cannot, people can read into it literally that you are either physically or intellectually unable to do something.
Every time you use those words, you strip yourself of some power.
One way to get some of that
power back is to give reasons why. "I
cannot get that report to you because it takes four days to run the numbers
and the Tuesday deadline only gives me one day." Another
response that keeps you empowered would be, "Normally I would
be able to do that, but I have another project to complete before I can dedicate any resources to the report you requested."
An even stronger response would be to give a reason you cannot make the deadline, but offer an alternative to help solve the
problem. "I cannot make that deadline for you because I'm working on another project, but Jim might be able to run the report
for you."
One of the most effective ways of empowering yourself is to realize that although you cannot control every
circumstance in your life, you can control your response to events. Taking ownership of the choices you make and changing
your language appropriately allows you to re-focus on your behavior, as opposed to how others are making you feel.
For
example, if someone offers negative feedback to a project you've worked on, don't immediately apologize for not doing a good
job or tell the person you obviously can't do the work. Instead of beating yourself up, focus on the positive. Consider
asking them how they might change what you've done and tell them that with some practice, you'll do better in the future.
That way, not only do you have the chance to learn something new, you also position yourself as a strong person who is diligent
and can accept criticism. Another thing people tend to do when they realize they've made a mistake is to use self-deprecating
comments. Many people use sarcastic comments and jokes as ways of coping with their weaknesses. While
this can be funny at times, comments like these do make an impression on people over time.
For the next month, closely
monitor how often you use self-defeating language to explain outcomes in your life. For example, every time you catch yourself
saying, "I can't" re-phrase it to say "I can, but first..." You can also try saying I can't and add a "because" followed by
an alternative suggestion that shows you're looking to solve the problem at hand, not create one.
Be driven by
your principles, not your reactions
One of the quickest ways that people sap their own power is by
reacting to
events beyond their control. They may become distressed over events that happened in the past or focus too strongly on how
others treat them. Have you ever stewed the whole day because someone made a snide comment at work, or a stranger cut
you off in traffic?
That's being driven by your reactions. This behavior typically stems from feeling you're not being
extended the respect you deserve. While You shouldn't dismiss your feelings about events, it's far more empowering
to focus on circumstances that are in your control. For example, if a colleague tells you that they didn't like your
choice of logos for the company's new product line, you can't control that this person made a negative remark. However, you
can control the extent to which their opinion influences your thoughts and feelings.
When a situation is out of your control, do your best to accept and cope
with it so that the circumstances have a minimal influence on
you.
For situations that are controllable, focus on what you can do and go from there.
By keying in on your actions and responses, you
can reframe situations to be positive and affirming instead of
discouraging
and defeating.
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