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The fifth secret to success is to be thoughtful. In order to do that, you need
to feel that empathy breeds loyalty.
No matter how you define a successful career, having loyal people
around
you is a necessary ingredient. To achieve that end, it's
important that you focus not just on your business' bottom line
or
the tasks you'll undertake to meet it. You must also be sensitive to the perspectives, ideas, and feelings of your
co-workers. Creating positive relationships in the work world can be as vital as in your personal life. So, if a colleague
responds poorly to something you've said, rather than blowing up and escalating the situation, learn to step back and consider
the reasons behind this person's behavior.
Perhaps they feel that you've overstepped your bounds into their area of expertise,
or they feel disrespected by the way you've expressed yourself, or perhaps they have experience that is relevant to their
opinions that you should take into consideration. Regardless of their particular reaction, remember that people rarely react
in a vacuum.
How you speak and what you choose to say can either make people feel valued and understood, or disrespected
and marginalized. Your
behavior matters. Note that being empathic and thoughtful are also
important parts of developing
the interdependence discussed in Secret # 4. Below are two tools you can use to enhance these skills.
Stop self-referencing
Next
time you have the opportunity to examine two people in
conversation, observe how frequently each of them responds to the
other's comments by stating something about themselves. For example, if one of your co-workers brings up a difficult situation
they're having at the office, notice how frequently the person they're speaking to will counter with a similar story about
themselves rather than simply listening and offering support. Watch your own impulses to do the same. When talking with people,
how many times do you find yourself saying, "Oh, that reminds of the time when I...?"
As an exercise one that hopefully
builds into a lifelong habit
try to refrain from responding to someone with a tale about yourself.
To truly understand people it helps to let conversations center
around them
until you can empathize with their experiences and
perspectives.
Develop your deep listening
Avoiding
the impulse to talk only about yourself or your perspectives is the first step toward developing deep listening. Another aspect
is learning to reflect people's feelings correctly. To aid in this task, when someone is speaking to you about a challenge
they're facing, don't spend the bulk of your listening time trying to formulate a response. Instead, really try to open your
ears and mind to hear them. When they're done speaking, you can express that you've understood them by restating what you
believe to be their concern.
This will allow people to feel they've been heard. It will also ward off misunderstandings
because individuals will have the immediate opportunity to re-explain anything you may have misinterpreted.
This kind
of approach is especially helpful in situations that demand a high level of customer service. For example, imagine a customer
told you that they were furious because the new dresser they ordered showed up in forty separate pieces with instructions
that were impossible to understand. You could respond by saying something like, "I understand that you're extremely frustrated
because you found the instructions unhelpful. I can see why you're upset."
After making a statement like this one, you're likely to find that the customer
becomes much less combative. Now they feel listened to. No matter what you decide to do after this point, you've increased
your chances of having a positive encounter because the situation's tension has been eased. This technique is useful not just
in customer service, but in all aspects of business and life. When you develop deep listening skills, you foster loyalty
and trust from people around you. You also become more likely to expand your knowledge and skills by learning from what people
are telling you.
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